Do it anyway doctrine

Three weeks ago I swam/body-surfed through a rain-swollen river with my friend, in a thunderstorm. We screamed and yelled and sang way out there amidst the rapids, perched on a pine log lodged between the rocks. I found myself at the mercy of a force beyond my control. I felt alive.

Since then, I’ve started choosing the thing that both scares me and enriches the plot. Instead of sitting on the pickleball sidelines, I have thrown myself into learning the game. I’ve never been athletically inclined, but in three weeks of “doing it anyway” I’ve experienced that instead of a realm of failure, the unknown is a realm of exhilarating growth. I decided to let myself fail in front of people and be okay with it. They weren’t actually that inconvenienced by my ineptitude after all. To finally expose a weakness made me no less of a person in the eyes of the people who mattered. I had only gain before me.

A week later, I was hiking alone by a river and heard, through the trees, these guys jumping off cliffs on the opposite bank. For a moment I considered my usual pattern – log the spot, bring my friends back (comfortable known). But what would I do if I was in a movie? If I had nothing to lose?

I would go jump with those strangers, obviously.

So I did, it was amazing and so worth it, and I made new friends while doing something in a new place – few comfortable knowns in sight!

I’ve chosen to be okay with falling short of performance perfection – better to fall short than never try. And the doors that do open are always a delightful surprise. I’m resolved to never expect any outcome but simply let it happen – neither rejection nor acceptance, perfection nor failure – each time I venture into any new thing. The victory, for me, is the action. Did I contact the unknown? Did I dance with it? Then I won.

Anyway this is really just a log of my renaissance into the unknown. It’s amazing. I’ve started disc golfing, pickleball, asking the questions, singing in public, bunny hopping crosswalks with my friends. I’ve bought paints and pulled out my brushes again. This blog resurrects as a symptom of the new mindset. I’m coming back to life. I’m the side character in the movie of every person around me. I’m the wind sock waving on the roadside.

It’s liberating to reflect on the wonder of one’s insignificance in other peoples’ lives. It’s just me and a God out here. If he’s really paid it all then all joy is now free. I aim to test this theory until it fails me.

“I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God.” – Ecc 3:12-13